放下

当我能做到把该放下的 都放下的時候 不是因为突然舍得了 而是因为任性夠了、该成熟了 也知道该跨越往前了

When I turn 21

I feel nervous. Maybe I am the weird one. Everyone feels happy when they turns 21, because that is the time they will be the 'so called' officially adult. Only me, maybe, only me, feeling, nervous. The turning of age of 21 means we are officially an adult, act like an adult, live like an adult, everything like an adult. Life's stepping to another level.. slowly.. I don't feel any 'adultness' on me, feeling so bad of myself, not matured enough, doesn't own any ability , capability.. all negative feelings and thought, feels afraid to my future. I desperately wish to grow faster to turn as an adult when I was a kid, but it changed when I am growing to be an adult. I think my friends wouldn't know all of my negative feelings on me since I'm always hanging a happy face. No birthday party is fine, I love the simple and quiet way. But, feeling a bit sad is I'm not celebrating it with my family since I'm studying miles away from my home. 27th November 12.01am, in the hostel, a cake, a surprise celebration with the 5 housemates. Another course mate bought me a cake too after class on my birthday. A big thanks, it really feels warm. And all the warm and precious wishes from lovely people. Appreciate. The day I turn 21. Peacefully.